As a woman in her fifties, this whole “I’m starting seminary” thing is a sheer faith walk. As a recent graduate of a university, I told myself that was it. God completed what He started and I was finished. It was a long, hard, and grueling four years! Not only for me, but my family as well. God opened those doors and I knew that He would see me through the end, and He did.
During that time of studying at the university, God also opened the door for me to begin working at Gateway Seminary. Honestly, I didn’t want the job. Seminary, really? I had heard about the seminary coming to southern California, but felt pretty comfortable where God had me. I was directing the women at a large church and had the best team helping me lead. Why would I just walk away from it? Over the next seven months I would hear that the position for a women’s coordinator was still available, and that I should apply. I would ask, “really, that job is still open? Thanks, but no thanks, I’m good where I am.” It wasn’t until about the ninth month, when someone had approached me from the seminary and said, “we are praying for you, did you know that there’s a position for the women’s coordinator at the seminary?” Again I looked in astonishment and said, “that job is still open?” I gave my standard reasons for not applying and to each reason there was an affirmation that God would work it all out. Now what?
Finally, I looked at my husband and said, “I think I need to apply for the job. I don’t have to take it, and if they don’t want to hire me its okay because I wasn’t looking for it, right? I really am good where I am, but this is just too coincidental to let go of, and I think I need to apply.” Needless to say, I applied and am now in my third year as the women’s program coordinator at Gateway Seminary. We can be sure that when it’s not God’s time, you can’t force it. When it is God’s time, you can’t stop it. No matter our desires, God’s plans will always trump them.
And now, the next opportunity to take graduate courses came up. I didn’t really want to, after all, the four years at the university nearly did me in! Once again, God’s call beckoned. I wanted to throw in the towel and God threw it back. I registered for classes and am nearing the end of the first semester. I won’t say it’s easy, and I won’t say that I haven’t questioned God in the process. But I will say that it is a straightforward walk of faith.
We don’t always see what God has planned ahead for us, and we don’t have to be in our twenties and thirties to be used by Him. We just need to walk in faith and have a desire to do His will, regardless of what it looks like, or feels like. For anyone thinking that they want to go back to school, I would say, “you can’t do it, but God can.” Don’t put the God of the universe in a box and settle for anything less than He has planned for you.
The journey continues and I am sure the tears and the countless questions to God about why He thinks I need to be doing this will continue as well. I go in the strength of the One who called me.
“I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD; I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only.” Psalm 71:16
Denise Matthews © 2018
Photo Credit & Quote: thatdapndave
Tethered Love 